So, in an attempt to sort out myself and comprehend the awesomeness that is the people of Gulte-land, I decided to make a list. I love lists- 10 ways to tone your hippo legs, 21 ways to make your neighbor water your plants, 33 ways to make your boss cry, 47 ways to run away from your boss who cries, and 59 ways to get away over the jerk. Sigh! Gives me a sense of misplaced belief, that Yes, We Can Too! Of course if I eat a rabbit's leg everyday and cover my hands with blue ribbons and rouge my cheeks with unicorn dust, I will become gorgeous too! So, I decided to put together my own list.
You know you are a Gulte in the US of A when:
1. All your friends on the east coast and their spouses, and their friends, and their spouses know each and every other spouse, and friend of their spouse and/or their friend; on the west coast. Alluri's brother's wife's second cousin who lives on in Fairfax is married to Velmati's third cousin's wife's mom's niece, who lives in San Francisco. We are a global phenomenon- except for the Mid-West- they are the non-essentials in our group. Cheecago people end up only mixing with people from Dalhaas (which is in Texhaas).
2. Gujjus open up a Dunkin Donuts in your neighborhood and you think- 'Chaa, ruining the Indian image'- while you start editing your resume to fit in with the latest requirement you got from your desi consultant (placed in Piscataway)- yea of course you have 9 years of experience by the age of 26- child labor never really went away in India!
3. You have made sure your parents see everything from Niagara Falls to Atlantic City when they visit you during a vacation. So, in the 6 months they spend time here, you make sure they see the insides of every possible permutation and combinational route on the Greyhound all with the added overdose of a stinking bathroom in the back. Then after there US of A sightseeing is complete within the first 14 days they spend the remaining 5.5 months looking after your kids while you go to your IT job to kill time.
4. You would rather take you mom to shop at Walmart or the dollar store or the sales at Aeropostale- India Shopping for all the attha and mamas back home- who obviously are still not bored of the mini Snicker bars or the cheap perfumes; rather than take her to the Nordstrom Sale.
5. You/your spouse enjoy the daily evening walks pushing your baby's crib (which has been in your family for almost 17 years now) around the neighborhood, in your flower/batik printed nightgown/salwar kameez- whichever you feel more comfortable in, paired with the Adidas shoes you bought at the last Thanksgiving Sale.
6. You found a part-time job within 2 weeks of landing in the US of A for MS (duh! what else do people come to US of A for!) because one of your other seniors was graduating from college to join an IT job through the above mentioned consultant in Piscataway. Your peers (i.e. people from outside of Andhra Pradesh) struggled for a good 2-4 months because they didn't have your awesomeness in Networking. Whattay connection!
7. You love chilling with your friends. Equivalent to organizing a potluck every fortnight, where the men get drunk on Corona (and upload pictures on Facebook with mind-numbingly awesome captions, such as-' House Warming or House Drinking :D') and the women enjoy discussing their latest buys at Walmart or the Dollar Store or Aeropostale.
8. Of course you own a flat in Hyderabad! NRE account?!- duh!
9. Every year you send your parents the latest iPhone or iPad, which you rarely call on or connect with, on the weekdays- because you are so completely busy at your IT jobs. You skype with them while making your Sunday afternoon biryani. You might think about going to visit them in a few years- probably close to when your H1B needs stamping again.
10. Adusumilli aa? Meedi Krishna Jilla e ga?
So, Gulabo just for the record- it was Sir Ganga Ram Hospital, Rajinder Nagar, New Delhi that I was born in, Karol Bagh that was home, and India Gate where at I learned to play football in the rain. NOT Vijayawada.
